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ACK.

I'm overflowing. I am, quite seriously, overflowing. I haven't gone back and read old lj entries for at least two years, but it occurred to me this morning that I have been posting fragments of everything from dreams to heartbreak to epic simile since 2003. That's half a damn decade.

It is easy, in looking back, to forget to think of past versions of myself as entire human entities. Plus, I spend almost my entire academic life as a deconstructionist, which means I spend almost every intellectual moment of the day denying and deferring the possibility of a coherent self. Happening upon January 2005 in my journal entries, however, jostled my comfortable fragmentation of the self. That is, I've come up against the fragmentation of the self once again, but in a much more personal (electrifying) way than is usually the case. In simpler terms, I am frankly astonished by the things that really happened to me--indeed, the things that, in rereading, are happening to me right now all over again. I've just been reminded of the sheer volume of things that have happened to me, things that are inextricable from who I am and at the same time things that I haven't thought about in ages.

And so I say that I am overflowing. The entity called I is occurring all at once, and indeed it always does, but it is when we come to the startled awareness of the synchronicity and multiplicity of self occurring within the boundaries of our skins that we begin to overflow.

And, as a deconstructionist, I love overflow.

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